This day 18 years ago, 30th March,1991 we lost Brenda.
Brenda was my twin sister. We were in the same physical space when she died.
I never mourned her death. I may have grieved but I do not recall ever mourning her death.
I was self absorbed with self -pity and busy campaigning for sympathy votes. A campaign I won with a landslide.
I finally dealt with her passing eight years later.
Why, you may ask did it take so long?
I was now in my journey of self discovery and at a stage of confronting my past in order to consign it to the past,where it belonged.
You see, I realized that I’d been envious of Brenda for a very long time. Truth be told,all her life. This envy was mainly expressed through violence.
Increased violence only seemed to make Brenda blossom some more.Here was a girl who,in the estate where we grew up,would bring a game of shake or kati to an end by simply indicating she had to leave.
I was jealous of her popularity and her friends from diverse backgrounds. Worse still, I could not stand it when my friends became her friends.
I recall comments in our early childhood that she should have been born the boy and I the girl. In my seeing green, I saw myself as a waste of space,worse than an afterthought.
What I got 10 years ago when I visited her grave for the last time, was that that all consuming envy did not allow me to be all the Chris I could be, I should be.
Brenda,in her short life here,lived a full life.
I let her go finally,and I let myself be.
And only then, possibly for the first time, did I let Brenda into my heart. Because when the envy was graciously removed did I get to see the person she really was. A deeply personal journey,if there ever was one.
Today, I acknowledge you Brenda for your sense of humour, your vivacity & genuineness, extraordinary & amazing personality that drew out the best in all. Yes,that legacy lives on, because today,amazingly, you’ve made a difference in my life. And I know you’d have loved Facebook.
Party in peace wherever you are.
