An Unfathered Father

Today 17th March 2009 my son, Rugz as I call him, turns 9. Milestone,too, for me,because that makes me 9 years as a father.

However,I’ve only been his parent for the last 5 years.A position,though not full time,is one where I’m present & available.A true privilege and honour. A position I had rejected because I did not have the ‘benefit’ of having had my own dad around.

For the longest time,I was a career bum.I truly believed that my bumness was enough to cover several generations. Hence, I truly believed,warped as it was,I now see,that being present in Rugz’ life would infect him with the same bumness.

Until when,someone in their true wisdom, shed light on the folly of my action. You see,in one breath I was lamenting about my absent father and,in the next,I was becoming one.

The challenge was to do it differently and get different results.Scary at first,loving it now. It’s a journey of constant discovery & recovery:a day at a time.Rugz teaches me love but more than that he teaches me how to tell it like it is. He provides me the most amazing Y chromosome moments and I still find myself staring at him as I did when he was but a few months old:in fascination,awe and deep gratitude.

I have since let go of my worry about his future: because he,like each one of us,has his own journey to fulfil. I’m his father in trust. I pray constantly for strength,guidance,wisdom and knowledge of God’s will for me for him as I take on and daily renew that trusteeship.

The realization that God has no grandchildren has ensured that I let go of my earthly father,whom I thank for being the source of my life together with my mother and accept my son wholeheartedly, unreservedly.

Being an unfathered father has given me the opportunity to create and ongoingly recreate an awesome relationship with Rugz that is based on trust & acceptance.And,in the process,there’s quite a bit of fun about it all.It’s also quite something that he got his dad’s good looks.

Happy Birthday Rugz.Here’s to New Beginnings.I love you,dad


Author: Chris

Thriving in The Love Edition

2 thoughts on “An Unfathered Father”

  1. I have read your story in the True Love Magazine and sincerely that is an amazing turn of even, its really an encouraging way for others who are really going on with their life thinking that their life is unworthy should read part of your story and feel encouraged. I also think that one day my brother who more or less is like the way you were is going one day to read this story and turn his life. I have been praying for him alot and i hope one day he will wake up and say that i don wanna live my life like this. God Bless


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